Hey addiction help??!!!?

Hey so i have a problem and i need your advice.



A while ago, I used to be porn addict. (I am a high school guy). I loved the feelin of pleasing myself. I realized, however, that this had been a destructive habit and had tried to stop myself. Twice. Both times I failed. I used to watch porn over 5 times a day and over 7 days a week. However, recently, I have been able to stop cold turkey. It has been 4 weeks since I have stopped and I am feeling very proud of myself. This happened when I was talking to one of my lady friends and when we happened to be talking, she told me that she didn't believe that I looked at porn. Her comments made me feel so guilty that I stopped then and thus I have not looked at porn for over 4 weeks. My porn addiction had always been a sense of internal shame to me, and I feel like it made me more introspective. Now, though, I can interact more easily with other people and act just like a normal person. Without my porn addiction, I can focus on my school work and bettering myself instead of tearing myself down with this destructive habit.





My problem, however, is twofold. One: When my lady friend told me that she believed that I did not look at porn, I think I kind of mentally stored those words and whenever I felt the urge to go, I would remember her words and convince myself that I could not betray her trust and defile her innocence. However, I recently went to a dance (prom) with her and saw her freaking with another guy there. Now, I know she is just my friend and I don't have any romantic feelings for her (i think...) something made me feel very wrong about watching that. I think it was the fact that I had made her to be a symbol of innocence in my mind, and then when I saw that, I realized that she was just like anybody else. That made me kind of disappointed, because that symbol of innocence in my head was gone. (Kinda like in the Great Gatsby when Daisy becomes not magical for Gatsby anymore, u know??)



How should I react to this???





My second thing is that recently I have been having overwhelming urges to go and watch porn. I'm not sure, but I think this might be realted to the fact that since my idea of my friend's innocence in my head is gone, now I don't really care whether or not she thinks I look at porn. (ALthough it could also that be that I just used her as an excuse to stop, because I internally wanted to all along. Addicts always want to quit, they just want an excuse to do so. I think I made her my excuse to stop).



I don't want to restart my habit and was wondering what I should do. I want to talk to somebody about it, but who??? I don't walk to broach the topic with my parents or couselor because it is embarassing. I know my friends will make fun of me if I tell them (Indeed, I have made fun of one of my friends when I found some porn on his computer. Call me a hypocrite ;-)



Who should I talk to and what should I do???



I do not get urges when I am talking to people or preoccupied with my hobbies or schoolwork, but I find the urge ubearable when I am alone. I have often gone of 72+ hour hunger strikes to weaken myself so much that I will not have the libido to go watch it. I have found that reducing fat content in my diet and listening to music or being distracted helps, but I want to talk to someone about my probelm. Who???



Any help would be greatly appreciated. (DOn't tell me to restart my habit and that porn is normal and healthy. I know it is NOT!!!! Don't try to convice me otherwise. I know of its destructive properties better than most.)Hey addiction help??!!!?
I put this in all your questions so you will read it. I am in the exact same position as you, I was astonished by reading this, its like I was reading me, I didn't think there would be any one like me, although for me, I have been cold turkey for only around 2 weeks, still have many urges, even dreams are against me, when I am also alone, and bored, its hard, that addition is torturous, I went this long by praying to the Lord God, for I know I can't do it by myself, if I continue without repenting I will burn in hell, right now I am on the computer to search random stuff, to keep me occupied, I googled the question ';why do I like girls so much';, and to my surprise I found this answer. I am 18, I would strongly recommend you to read the bible KJV version only. I also know of that destructive properties, so torturous, I thought it was impossible to overcome it, but I read a biblical verse, ';whats impossible for man is possible for God';, and so I wrote and asked God, for the help needed, and how nice he was, for here I am 2weeks, feeling alive again, whatever you do, stay away from computer, and don't watch porn. Before stopping watching porn, I asked God for help, I had a dream, in this dream everywhere I looked it was filled with porn, then a loud terrifying voice yelled at me, I was so scared, I had never felt fear like that, even though it was a dream, once that voice yelled at me, the scene changed I was holding a box, at though cleaning my room and putting all the unneeded things in a box, with a smile, as though I was cleaning my mind, and then there was a large window, there was a white figure one I can't describe, and I told him I wanted to wear white for it was my favorite color, but instead my cloths changed to gray, and this figure said do as I do, raise your hands up, so he raised his hands, and went up to the clouds, so I did the same, but I thought I would fall, for I wasn't worthy, so I went, and I was being raised, I went to the clouds just underneath the figures feet and, the voice said, ';Go and tell them';, and so I fell, as I thought, and I woke up feeling so tired with the words in my mind trying to discern the dream, immediately the words carnal christian came into mind, that if your willing to do only half of what God wants, then he will only take you up to heaven half way, and drop you down, and in that day, I was in such a deep sleep, I didn't even want to move. So from then on I started praying and staying away from porn, but today in the morning, as I was sleeping, I was tempted in my dreams, I woke up and went back to sleep, enjoying the dream, but still trying to fight back, then I had an uttermost scary dream, there was a loud scary noise, and I was on my knees, and I looked out the window, and saw many huge dragon like birds filled in the air, and then one burning with fire, like a phoenix, noticed me and came down, immediately I started praying, and the dragon like phoenix then ignored me and turned another direction, but just as that happend, it felt like everything exploded and red flames were everywhere, so I woke up so scared again, and I threw all the bad perverted thoughts away. And now here I am again this time answering your question. Whether you believe me or not is your choice others probably will not, but it was scary and real to me, so I will stop, and hoping to continue to pray and repent with the Lord God Helping me. I hope you don't fall into sin.Hey addiction help??!!!?
Well that's a very noble cause you underwent. I myself have done similar things, reminding myself of how much easier life is without porn (getting work done, talking to girls, feeling better about myself). But something always goes wrong, and I can't learn to drop the habit. Personally, I've tried many things to stop. I've deleted all porn links, pornographic pictures, deleted browsing history, etc. to forget about it. But I always end up looking again. I really can't give you much advice other than to keep trying to stop, because I myself have not been successful. But I hope that you will find it easier than I do, just don't give up, remember how good you feel now that you've stopped, and how bad you'll feel if you start up again. Good luck!
First issue: If you were using the girl to keep you away from the habit, it's not healthy. You have to have reason enough for yourself to give it up.



Second issue: You don't want to hear it, and I cant say it's ';healthy'; to watch porn in general, but it is ';normal'; in the sense that a guy your age watches porn a lot. It can be destructive in your personal life if done too much and it can also alter your reality when it comes to love and relationships, and certainly sex - something that could affect the first issue. In any case, porn once a day wouldn't hurt someone to this extent. Your issue is that of most teenagers - nothing is enough. I certainly wish I hadn't spent a couple hours a day jackin' it to strangers on the internet when I was younger. I really would've appreciated those relationships I could have had and the experiences I avoided - this was due to low self-confidence and other issues.



Most would probably just say it's your age, but if you do think it's affecting your relationships and responsibilities, then you probably want to see a therapist. There could be reason you prefer porn to those relationships and responsibilities - a confidence issue or something of the like. Speak to a professional on this subject and they can discuss if you're a true ';addict'; as well as how to deal with it.