My marriage is falling apart! Please Help!?

Well me and my wife have been married for 1 year already. We first started off as bf/gf It was mostly a sex thing.. It was just so damn great... we exhanged personal feelings... we ended up getting married in less than 4 months... that was probably for my stupidity.. we were both stupid for doing it but we had really liked eachother and didn't care what anybody else said.



When we got marrried... this is where all the problems began... I was the jealous type she'd talk to alot of guys (in a flirty, hoeish) sort of way and went to the clubs alot and did those nasty freak dances... that really bothered me.. I however did open up to her and said I didn't like it and it bothered me alot... she responded back to me that she loves me and she wont cheat on me that all she talks too is guyss.... Well a couple times I caught her talking to her ex-boyfriends who leave her dirty messages on her voicemail, and she claims that there just playing around or she dont know how they got her number...I dont know if i should believe that or not.. she says her sister gave the guys my wifes number



So everyday, there was no trust... we always argued... it was to the point where she ran away alot, and i kicked her out of my house.. it was an everyday thing... we'd break up and not talk to eachother... we'd both beg for eachother back... i dont know on top of my head why we always took eachother back, it had to have been more than 100 times... i just know we really had bad arguments.. and she wasnt afraid of me.. she actually was a hardass and wanted to basically get into fights with me.



One day... we had this big argument cause she cheated on me with another guy... and she denied it... I actually hit her cause i was so pissed...i was so hurt from it.. i know i shouldnt of hit her but it just came out and i really regret doing it... she then stopped talking to me for awhile.. then decided to come back to my life... still denying of course she did not do anything.



now.. i act like i dont care no more cause i dont wanna get hurt again... she did put me in jail and i went for a day for domestic violence, supposebly her mom called the police and she agreed with it... i dont know whether to beleive that or not. So after i was realeased I went to counseling to dismisiss the charges.. and then she assaulted me 3 weeks later then i put her in jail.... then she couldnt have contact with me, when she was realeaseed she wanted her stuff.. and wanted to end our marriage... but it didnt end up being like that... she came back still and wanted to work things out.. she still loved me... so I took her back like a dumbass.... and things still were not okay... she was so lazy... she didnt cook clean or even get a job.. she was a couch potato and freaking i had to do all the work my own self... I was freaking getting mad at her cause she would never help me do anything, I was basically being both the man and the woman in the relatonship...



So after awhile.... after that... it was a breakup ';Get ouf of my house'; thing everyday... our arguments were even more horrible, that I myself was in tears cause I couldnt handle the problems anymore... I told her to just leave me alone and to get the marriage over with.. but she never wanted too cause she wants to be with me and shes sorry.... but then she gets so abusive when we get in arguments, she assaults me if she doesnt get what she wants then shell block the door from me leaving anywhere!



Then finally... I spyed on her and was going through her phone.. and I saw lots of disturbing voicemails from guys sending her bunch of dirrty stuff.. and voicemails.. like one i heard ';hey baby are u coming over... when can i smack that around';... and she of course, said it was her cousin... and she grabbed the phone frmo my hand and pushed me to the door... and told me to behave... then my dumbass went ahead and i beat her up cause she kept slapping me and punching me in the nose.. she wouldnt even let me out of the house without pulling on my t-shirt... i was so damn mad cause i knew already she was cheating on me and she still denys it...i know im not a man cause i laid a finger on my wife.. but i couldnt hold it.. i still till this day am sorry for it i wish it never happend, but i ended up going to jail agin.. for dv assault... and was realeased the next day... sadly... everybody lost respect for me cause they think im the problem...



After awhile, after all the threats shes left me in my voicemail... I hired an attorney to back me up for my case.. and he says he can back me up for self-defense... so my wife calls everyday saying shes sorry for all of this.. but her mom, again calld the cops.. cause she heard us arguing... my wife claims she stil lloves me.. shes going to change... and shes a different person and realises shes the one who messed up.. that she was never a good wife.... and shes trying to improve... she just doesnt want a divorce... I dont either.. but I feel its the right thing My marriage is falling apart! Please Help!?
When you go through really difficult times in life, you can either let them tear you down and apart, or you can learn from them, and move on and make your life better.



It's time to let this go. It's actually way past time to let this go, but since neither of you managed to pull yourselves together and walk away, you need to do so now.



Once a relationship has deteriorated to physical violence, it is unhealthy, and it is time to walk away. Period.



You guys may have felt love and passion for each other, but from the beginning, you did not have the respect, communication, and common values that are needed to have a successful, healthy relationship. Your marriage was based on drama, fights, game playing, and possesiveness. Nothing good is going to come out of that - ever.



You need to get a grip on yourself, and value yourself and your life enough to get past this, let it go, and move on.



You are feeling bad about yourself, and some of it is your own fault which you admit. The thing for you to do is evaluate yourself, and figure out what you need to change to make yourself a better partner, and deal with that before you look for another relationship.



Part of getting to know yourself, and becoming a real man, is to learn to manage your emotions and your anger. That needs to be done first, for you. Then, you can figure out what kind of woman will bring you happiness.



Some women, like some men, thrive off of drama and creating it. It sounds like that's the kind of person your wife is. If you have a short fuse, and issues with jealousy, you need to first learn why, and then learn how to manage them in a mature and healthy way.

THEN, and only then, should you look for a partner.



You need a woman who is secure in herself and does not have to flirt with other men and get attention from other men to be happy, not some silly girl who boosts her ego by seeking out attention from other men knowing already that it is going to upset you. That's a set up. One that all too often leads to death.



Consider yourself lucky that you got minimal jail time and have a chance at self-defense, and consider it a sign that this is a chance for you to take charge of your life and change it.



The choice is yours. Make the decision to make the changes you need to be healthy and happy and have a relationship that is going to build you up instead of tear you down...

Or, continue down the path you've taken so far...



I hope you make a good decision. Your life really depends on it.My marriage is falling apart! Please Help!?
This question has already lasted longer than this marriage should have......Get out now, before something stupid happens like having children, getting arrested or worse. Neither one of you has the maturity to be married yet and that's OK.



Wrap this one up.....grow up.....sit down and make a list of what you want in the next girl and what you DON'T want in the next girl.



It isn't what she has between her legs (although i am not taking ANYTHING away from THAT), it is what she has between her EARS that counts. The one you have now has oatmeal (or worse) for brains.



MOVE ON.
divorce her! If she put you in jail, get rid of her!
I myself believe that you are sexually addicted to her. Just remeber she's not the one and only choice of your life. A calm happy life includes a good sex. By insisting on a sick relationship you will also loose the sex.




Dude, what is exactly your question here?



The way I see it, both of you are too immature to be married and have so much to learn. Walk away, cut your losses and learn from the experience. You're actually lucky because you didn't get her pregnant.



Before you tie the knot next time, learn how to find a quality person, how to build a healthy relationship (not just based on sex) and how to control yourself.
Well you got married but you really didn't. At this point you could actually create a great relationship since you all got the bad stuff out of the way. Write down what you want your marriage to be and agreements that you can live with. It would be like taking the Boy Scout oath except you will sign the documents in blood. Give it 90 days. One last thing, the past is the past so do not bring it up! If anything comes up that does not move your relationship forward, it is off limits. You can make it has hard or easy as you like. Which shall it be?
Haven't you two had enough? You both are acting very immature. Go enjoy life and leave her alone. find yourself for a change. Life is TOO short to deal with this crap. One day, love will find you. Just take your time and get you better. You need to heal. Get into counseling and get rid of your anger and jealousy behavior. Read 1st Corinthians Chapter 13. That is what love is. Good Luck!
Leave now it's not worth it a marriage is not about that and u guys have problems its going to only get worse
I agree with scott. This question took longer to read than your marriage should have lasted. Just get divorced. You two are toxic to one another.
If you are asking whether we think divorce is a good idea, i think there has never been a situation where a divorce is sooooo necessary. If you can do these things to your wife and she can do these things to you, then you are quite clearly no good for each other, you should file for divorce and put this doiwn as a bad mistake, and maybe both of you could move on and learn from your such awful mistakes. Its a shame that people like you take marriage with a pinch of salt. It people like you and your wife that put men and women off marriage, if you marry someone you should be in it for life, its not a decision to take lightly.



Move on, the both of you, and then maybe your lives will return to some kind of normality.



I wish you all the best for the future.
Aww man you really messed up with this one. You made the fatal error in raising your hand to your wife not once but actually twice that you have told us about. If it was me i would walk away especially after such an early stage of your relationship that both of you have displayed violence towards each other. That's something that would have to be looked at not by you but by a professional. Take some time away from each other and decide



What do i want from this relationship?



Because you are married a year as ridiculous as it sounds and you have detained each other and displayed violence towards each other the only solution to your problems is first of all attend anger management counselling 'each' and then attend couple counselling.



This would be a last ditch effort to save your marriage which would take a lot of hard work, time, patients and effort.



I am only advising you on couple counselling because you are only married a short while but if you were just a couple, not married, my advice to you would be leave her get away from her. You obviously can't control your anger and have inexcusably assaulted your wife. I find it difficult to comprehend how you are both acting in such a violent manner which is why i feel you both need some professional help, away from her parents and also away from your parents. 50% of all divorce relates to Family interference for the first marriage and 62% for the second marriage.



Get counselling and for god sake don't don't hit her again, doesn't matter if she hits you....DON'T HIT HER SEEK HELP!!!!!



I totally agree with Emmy, you have taken such an important and special part of love and marriage so lightly it's terrible, because i feel marriage is so sacred and special, maybe - just maybe you can both be mature, realise your mistakes and 'learn from them' and try salavage some sort of normallity in your lives and get on with your marriage, divorce is a last resort, please attempt all other avenues before you become just another statistic.



Good luck if it doesn't work out through counselling you are both doooooomed!!!!!!!!!!
that is a long *** question. Firstly, it sounds like u instigatied the d-violence, and should never have put ur hands on her in the 1st place. Now its normal for you to both become physically violent. That s**t is wrong, and can't be tolerated. Even if u still love her u gotta think with ur HEAD and get the hell out of that marriage. Its a sham. In this whole long *** question u didn't once say anything positive- about her, you, or the marriage. Open your eyes and accept the ONLY answer for you both is divorce. Harsh but true.